Ha, ha, ha, ha – stayin’ asleep, stayin’ asleep…

WHY are my !@#$%*& legs jumpy????


Staying asleep – how can I have forgotten how to do this? I know I used to be VERY good at it, but the knack seems to have slipped through my fingers some time in the last two years or so. Generally the sequence goes something like; go to bed, chat with my lovely wife for a while, quite often dissolve into helpless laughter together and gently fall asleep with a smile in our hearts.

Then…….BANG! Usually approximately an hour later I am awake, and more to the point, bloody uncomfortable! Usually it’s the legs…somehow weirdly restless, not exactly painful…more like that sensation just after pins ‘n needles and the life starts returning to the limb…I wish there was a word for it because I’d be shouting it each time. The effect upon me is principally to engage my anger glands, and then rapidly I get really pissed off with my legs – two parts of me I have always treated well and been rather pleased with on the whole. But not when they feel like this. I mean come ON!

Now, being pissed off with a part of my body is not a new concept – I am STILL not talking to my pancreas for metaphorically packing up and leaving in 1995 – but I always thought my legs were my friends. They have allowed me to run really quite fast as a kid (I used to regularly ‘ace’ that old schoolyard favourite “British Bulldog”), they have helped me carry things – sometimes very heavy things – push cars, motorbikes, play all kinds of sport with varying degrees of success and lots of enjoyment – but I have to say that I am somewhat disappointed in their current habit of waking me up.

I have of course heard of ‘restless leg’, but I would like to add ‘bloody annoying legs’ to the list of things which happen to the middle aged. I am beginning to wonder (and this is indeed a thought born of desperation) if the old limbs are, in their own way, requesting a return to levels of exercise they were once used to…oh crap. It looks like I’ll have to get down to the gym…

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