In my alternate universe…

I am approximately thirty years old. In my alternate time-twisting and mixing universe. Dammit!

If I were only still thirty years old in THIS universe! Of course, like many people  I’d prefer to be thirty years old with my current forty six years of experience somehow still behind me. Oh the possibilities!

If I was a 46 year old inside a 30 year old body, I’d be a much better rugby player than I ever managed to be in this reality. I’d also be healthier ( not diabetic) and slimmer than I am now…and staying that way…and of course I’d have made some better choices and made them earlier in life than I have managed this time around.

I’d have been far more wise about love many years ago. I’d have allowed myself to have more fun in general. I’d have made different career choices than the ones I have made. I’d have been as blunt as I now wish I had been. Trying to be someone or something I am not is apparently not a map for unlimited success.

I’d have known that religion is a grand illusion a long time before this life taught me that lesson, and I’d have been free from it earlier in my life as a result – something which would have been an enormously liberating feature.

Yes being younger with my current experience of life would be a very interesting way to be. Fun. But…

What other mistakes would I make or have made? Would I have my two wonderful beautiful children? Would I now be so lucky as to be with my lovely wife – my (cliché alert) soul-mate? Would I have lived the life I have known so far? Would I be living in a beautiful – nay stunning – part of the world? Perhaps the answer to each question is ‘No’…or at best ‘Maybe’…and I feel a chill at the prospect.

Yes, I’m 46 years old, but the young man is still alive in my psyche – the young, indestructible, nervous and shy man with his life ahead of him is still there, mildly surprised to find himself at this stage of life. So…perhaps I have the best of both universes? Perhaps I have the chance to benefit from the older and the young – I have after all lived a life outside of the ordinary or mundane – and it is sometimes too easy to forget that.

Perhaps (second cliché alert) the best is yet to come. And I have the young me as my companion – the trick is to allow him to bring his enthusiasm for life back to me, to allow things to be possible, to be ME. Can I unleash ME onto the world again?

The thirty year-old inside the 46 year-old mind says “why the hell not?”.

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2 Comments on “In my alternate universe…”

  1. Go on ME! Do it for ME! Or do I mean YOU? Or do YOU mean I?

    I think Sinatra said it best: “Do. Be. Do-be-doo…”

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