I just keep giving…

I must be one of the most generous guys around. No, really – I’ve given away so much in the last few days I should be losing weight (and goodness knows I need to). This is because what I’m giving away are my corpuscles – my haemaglobin, my plasma, my blood.

There is a sudden demand for blood around these oarts and it’s a life or death issue. Without the blood thousands or even millions will die or never be born. No we haven’t moved into a war zone – well not a human one anyway…the problem is probosci – specifically those of the mosquito variety. The little bastards just love me!

Perhaps it’s my size (larger than average shall we say) and therefore the amount of carbon dioxide I expel which attracts them, maybe it’s my warm disposition and welcoming nature – or again there is a chance that being diabetic means that I have a different, sweet kind of flavour. No matter – whatever the cause, I am now covered with itchy lumps.

I am fastidiously spraying myself with ‘mozzie spray’ as we call it, I smell of repellent (rather than smelling repellent) all day and yet even seconds after applying the magical substance, I find the evil insects landing on me. The back of the neck, back of the knee, inbetween toes and fingers, wrists, elbows ( I mean really – my elbows?) – there seems no end to their cunning and ability to find the most annoying place to have an itchy bite…

So far this year, aside from the repellent-loving type of mozzie, I have discovered and endured the direct sunlight – loving mozzie, the wind – immune mozzie and the bite-you-through-your-clothes mozzie. Apart from spending the rest of the summer under water, I can’t imagine how I will manage to be itchless…

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2 Comments on “I just keep giving…”


  1. I seriously hate the f**kers! If I was there with you mate, I’d gladly spend all day watching over you, just so I can beat the bastards to death!

    I got bitten ONCE on my hols in Corfu last month, and even THAT pissed me off, the fact that it bit me and I didn’t manage to squash the life out of the culprit!

    I feel for you, bro…

    • elsimmo Says:

      I was just outside watering the food crop…long pants on, covered in mozzy repellent and yet STILL the little tw*ts found my ankles!!!!!! AAAAAARRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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