In a parallel universe I just fell downstairs…

Perhaps. Maybe. It felt like it – there  I was at the top of the stairs, mug of coffee in one hand, handful of low sugar cookies in the other. It was a moment of destiny folks…talking over my shoulder to my lovely wife, I prepared to take the first step down towards my office. Catching sight of a vicious flying beast (namely a female mosquito) – many of which had savaged us earlier today, I paused to watch her progress as she flew across my intended path, just a few dozen elements of her compound eye upon me…watching…waiting…

As I watched her, a few things happened. Firstly, I became consciously aware of several itchy mosquito bites on my neck and legs and elbows (yes, really!), secondly, I twisted slightly to my right to watch Miss Mozzy, and third I caught my left heel on the topmost stair. In a graceful, slow-motion gymnastic movement I began to topple (just imagine the beauty of a 275 pound, pot-bellied, balding, middle aged man beginning a series of six or seven somersaults). And then I regained my balance and stopped falling, then walked down the stairs towards the space mostly oocupied by this computer.

What? What – did you WANT me to fall? ……………Best leave that question unanswered………

Anyway, a thought struggled its way through the molasses I call my mind and reached the surface; what if, in a parallel universe, it actually happened? Did a version of me, unwilling to relinquish his hold upon the coffee and cookies (for reasons best known only to him), crash down seven stairs onto the unyielding floor? Did bones snap and tissues rupture? Did a life finish? How many versions of me are there left?

It’s probably not the case I suppose – but I also suppose it is probably so. I’ve had these notions before (I hope I’m not the only one although as I write I am feeling more and more self conscious about the idea, and of telling you about it…stop looking at me like that!) – where something ALMOST happens, and I fly off on a tangent wondering if an alternative version of me (of course it would have to exist in an alternate universe – there can only be so much beauty in one universe after all) actually completed the action or accident. Alternate universes are apparently theoretically possible (and to paraphrase the late, great Douglas Adams, therefore finitely probable) and so…who knows? Not me, I actually doubt that my thoughts are anything other than inane ramblings – playtime for my mind.

But what if…?

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4 Comments on “In a parallel universe I just fell downstairs…”


  1. What if???

    My wife Amy, who you met just before you left for Canada, completed what you failed to do, and took a tumble down an entire flight of stairs – uncarpeted, no bannister – backwards, at a friend’s house a month ago. Knocked herself out on the uncarpeted wooden floor below. Amazingly, didn’t break a bone, just bruised her entire body. Lucky to be alive.

    At least you’re well padded. And a blow to your head might do you more good than harm…

  2. Leo Simmons Says:

    I remember meeting Amy – lovely lady with no apparent signs (at least back then) of perambulatory instability. May I enquire discreetly whether alcohol or excess speed were factors in this accident?
    Glad to hear that she wasn’t badly hurt – I expect she was concussed though? I’ve had a few of those myself and they’re not much fun. In fact my cumulative concussions may explain a few things now I come to think about it…in fact that hurts. Must stop trying to think.

    The padding is somewhat excessive as you delicately reference (thanks for that), I must resolve to in future face danger with less protection and remove some of it through the cunning plan of less eating and more exercise!

    I noticed in your blog that you’re planning a year off? Good for you (I would have said `cool`, but let`s not stir up that hornet`s nest again eh?) – I am just coming up to completing that very thing…the only drawback is that it’s not easy to face going back to work (or even finding any)…


  3. A year off? Indeed. I’ve got three more working days to go after today, then I’m free to follow my creative aspirations. This is mainly the recording of the dozen or so albums worth of pop, rock, country and folk songs that I’ve written over the past 20 years. I’d also like to get back into art – I used to be quite handy with a pencil and a brush, I like to think. And I’ve got hours of video that need editing. and weeks of DIY to do. So I’ll be keeping myself busy.

    Didn’t know you’d taken time off – what have you been up to? following your own dream?

    • elsimmo Says:

      Yes you were indeed artistically gifted, I was mildly surprised that you hadn’t pursued that alongside your musical projects.
      I hope you make the most of your year – just leave off the country songs, there’s already too many of them in the world!
      My year – well I didn’t take time off, I just resigned! I’ve been following a dream in some ways yes, but more of an emotional healing than anything else. It’s a long and very personal story that I won’t bore you with, but this year has been mostly about my wife and I making up as much as we could for twenty two years of being apart – basically we’ve hardly left one another’s side which I know could sound a little too much but it hasn’t been so for us. Now I have to get back to work while I try to build some kind of business on the side!


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